Billy Graham, Your Confirmation Number is�

Reservation Angel: This is the Heaven Inn Hotel. How can I help you today?

Billy: Hello. This is Billy Graham. I�m calling to confirm my reservation.

RA: Do you have a confirmation number or a date of arrival.

Billy: Cmon now. I�ve been calling in daily for nearly sixty years. Don�t you go askin me for a number now.

RA: Sorry sir. I�m a new outsourced reservation angel. I am not actually in Heaven. I�m in Hyderabad.

Billy: Lord, help me now. All I know is, I expect to be there soon and, I for sure will be seeing Jesus.

"And all, I don't mean all the Jews, but a lot of the Jews are great friends of mine. They swarm around me and are friendly to me. Because they know I am friendly to Israel and so forth. They don't know how I really feel about what they're doing to this country. And I have no power and no way to handle them."
Angel: Sir, all our rooms in the Constantine Wing have at least a partial Jesus-view.

Billy: No, no. I�m expecting to be really near Him. I�m the world�s leading evangelical preacher.

Angel: Sir, I can upgrade you, but only if you have a Holy Roller Club number.

Billy: Again with the numbers. No numbers. This is the Reverend Billy Graham!

Angel: I�ll see if I can put you on the Eschatology Level near the Salvation Suite with express redemption service and our complimentary wine and wafers buffet.

Billy: Listen, I don�t think you hear me. Do we have a bad connection? Damn cell phone. No wafers, no wafers.

Angel: Reverend, are you interested in our all-inclusive-package? It offers unlimited fish and loaves and golf lessons from Bobby Jones.

Billy: Yes, yes, now we are getting somewhere. Get me inscribed for that.

Angel: I can hold this reservation until your real expiration date.

Billy: Okay, okay. Now give me directions to the hotel from the Pearly Gates.

Angel: Surely. May I recommend that you take our complimentary Heaven Inn shuttle. Just pick up the courtesy phone at Pearly Gate number one. We will send our hybrid-limo to get you. Or you can take the mono-theism rail to our front door.

Billy: I�ll get back to you then to firm this up after I check one alternative. Y�see I get all these messages from my friends, the deceased former presidents and politicians, saying that there�s another eternal location that�s got really hot package deals.

"The Jews control the media"

BG: This stranglehold has got to be broken or the country's going down the drain.
RN: You believe that?
BG: Yes, sir.
RN: Oh, boy. So do I. I can't ever say that, but I believe it.
BG: No, but if you get elected a second time, then we might be able to do something.